I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so let's talk penis.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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