i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
