I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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