I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
