My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
