When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
