The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
