Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
