She went from zero to smokin in five shots
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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