Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
