Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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