its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drake has all the answers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
