she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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