There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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