Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
