Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
