Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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