There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
