My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
