I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
