i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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