I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
