he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
