We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
