i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
