i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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