ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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