She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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