I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
