I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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