we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
