I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
