You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
