I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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