So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
