Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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