I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
