1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
