How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
