my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
