he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
