Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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