Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
