I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
