He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
