She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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