I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A+ Viking dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
