Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
