I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hippo gnu deer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
