I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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