she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
