you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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