I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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