he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need moral support for this bender
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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