I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
